This week is filled with baby milestones. The twins will turn 1 on the 5th November and Isaac has now moved into his forward facing car seat. We could no longer take the screams he was making while the other two looked happily out of the window!
With the twins birthday fast approaching naturally David and I have been taking a few trips down memory lane. Looking back at photos of our tiny babies when they were born, reminiscing about how we juggled the eight daily feeds and watching videos of their first wee movements.
But it wasn’t till we dumped (literally!) Isaac’s baby car seat and assembled the cover on his new chair that the question came up. David asked it first: “Do you want to have another?”
These feelings had been whirling around my mind the last few weeks, which if you spent anytime in my company this past year you will know I have said I am done – no more children!
Having always wanted three children, I feel I have been so blessed, especially after suffering three miscarriages. So why was I thinking about having another child?! After a while discussing the subject David and I both worked out the answer: because watching your baby or in our case babies grow up is hard.
From our twelve week scan I knew my family was complete. I felt complete and I didn’t want to have anymore children. I made a pact with myself to savour every moment, something I did not do with Finlay. With Finlay, as a first time Mum I was desperate for him to move into each new stage, wishing the current one away. I did not develop as close a bond as I would have liked due to his time spent in NICU. For most of his first two years I spent the time feeling inadequate and not majorly enjoying it. So when I found out we were having twins I knew there was a lot I wanted to do different. I have clung to each stage and cried when they have moved onto the next one. I suppose it was only natural to feel like I wasn’t ready to let them grow up.
There are so many things I enjoy about having my three children: the fact that they are close in age, that they will group up as part of the same generation and understand each other’s interests and that by the time the twins turn 18 I will only be 46, are just a few. There are also many adventures we want to take them on and I just can’t picture another child being part of those. Not to mention the obvious: I don’t think I can live through the sleepless nights and post partum grossness again!
So to answer the question- no I don’t want another baby I just have to learn to get better at dealing with life’s milestones and continue to savour it all!